I saw the extended edition of The Battle of the Five Armies last night and….
SERIOUSLY, DON’T CLICK READ MORE UNLESS YOU WANT TO READ SPOILERS
I loved it so much oh my god. BOTFA was already my favorite of The Hobbit trilogy (I’m the opposite of most people, I know haha) and the extended edition just increased my love. There were of course moments that made me cringe and moments I didn’t like but overall I’m very satisfied.
I’m going to try to talk about the new scenes in order, but I might get stuff mixed up! I think there was juuuuuust a little bit more of footage of Bard and Smaug at the beginning. I need to rewatch the theatrical to make sure. In fact, I’m disappointed there was very little new Bard. I was hoping to see him being crowned King of Dale but that didn’t happen…I’m getting ahead of myself. The new(?) Bard footage just shows him running across more burning roofs in Lake-town.
Galadriel’s entrance to Dol Guldur was slightly longer. The orc (the rejected Bolg) tells Gandalf that his master (Sauron) wants his ring. He takes Gandalf’s arm out and motions to cut off Narya but then Galadriel gracefully walks out and says “I come for Mithrandir, and I will leave with him. If you try to stop me, I will destroy you.” Then she blows up the orc and you know the rest.
We get to see the scene where Radagast gives Gandalf his staff. He tells Gandalf that it’s a little “dicky” (?) and that he may have to wiggle the stone or something. At least people can stop wondering how Gandalf got a new staff.
Before Bilbo temporarily leaves Erebor to go to Dale, he and Bofur have a scene together. Basically Bofur tells Bilbo it’s okay if he wants to leave, he doesn’t expect Bilbo to return.
The scene at Erebor with the Arkenstone is slightly longer. Thorin is being annoying so Thranduil says something like “Keep the stone. Sell it. Ecthelion of Gondor will give you a good price for it.” Thranduill is such a smart ass I love it. Then there’s more of Thorin being annoying.
Dain had more moments, and at one point he called Thranduil a “point-eared elvish princess” which caused me to just about die. If you’re not a fan of Dain you’re probably going to not like the new scenes. I think he also called the elves something like “twiddly-widdlies”?
There is a lot more elves vs. dwarves action in the EE. Before the worms (sigh) show up, the elves shoot a hella amount of arrows at the dwarves but before they hit their target, the dwarves send up some type of weapon (that I have a hard time explaining) that causes the elf arrows to break in mid air. After that happens a couple more times the two armies charge at each other and killing ensues. OH. And we get to see lots of goats (rams? I don’t know) which just made me wonder where the hell they were during the theatrical.
Do you remember that part in the BOTFA trailer with the ice chase scene? Yup, that’s in the film! To be honest, most of the new footage was battle-related. I didn’t particularly mind but I know some people didn’t like it (and won’t like it). However, I didn’t really like all the amount of troll/orc blood that was included. There wasn’t even that much (or even near as much) in LOTR. Orcs and trolls get squished, you see it. Definitely understand the R rating now…
Thorin and Dain have a longer scene during the battle where Thorin tells his cousin about his plan to kill Azog. Then Balin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili come riding out on a ram (goat?) chariot while Thorin rides solo to Ravenhill.
Oh wait I just remembered. The dwarf actors got a lot more screen time which I was VERY happy about, especially Bofur, Bomber and Bifur. The dwarves throw an ax to each other to kill orcs. They just throw the same ax around. It was funny though. A quick comedic moment during the battle.
Do you remember those horrible trolls? The ones that were blinded and had all of their limbs amputated? There’s more of them. Bofur pulls a Legolas/Oliphant kind of move and ends up riding on one and gets it to kill a bunch of orcs.
Okay, back to the chase scene, Balin, Dwalin, Fili and Kili was riding across the ice with orcs and trolls and wargs chasing them. Some huge troll breaks through the ice and basically stabs at them while walking through the water but then Bofur appears with his new troll and then they fight each other. The troll gets killed but then orcs and wargs come. The dwarves kill them some of the rams (goats?) get killed. They realize they need to lose weight and Balin tells them to go ahead. Dwalin, Fili and Kili jump over and each mount a goat (ram?) while Balin is left. He’s fine though, he says “I am too old for this” as he shoots all the wargs.
THERE WAS MORE BEORN. Not much but enough to make me happy. There’s something so nice about seeing a giant bear killing orcs. Oh my god also Bifur headbutts an orc but it ends up getting stuck in the orcs head. So he and Bifur were just…attached for a while. Bofur and Bombur had to help separate them and the ax fell out of Bifur’s head. He looked so distraught. Bombur (or was it Bofur?) gave him the ax back and Bifur said something (couldn’t understand him, was it is english?) and threw it over his shoulder. Guess he was happy to get rid of it? Bombur gets to belly bump some orcs to death. That was a thing.
There was a new Legolas moment. It’s already included in the EE trailer so I don’t know if that’s still considered a spoiler. Basically he somehow positions himself upside down on the bat and kills orcs…while upside down and flying.
Alfrid dies. He dies by getting catapulted into a trolls mouth. This was included in the chronicles book so I wasn’t surprised. Basically what happened was Gandalf was trying to kill the troll but the staff wasn’t working, and Alfrid was in the back hiding in a catapult (how did he even get in there) and one of the coins from his fake boobs (siiiigh) fell out which caused the catapult to send him through the air. He went straight into the troll’s mouth and they both just…died. A ridiculous death for a ridiculous character. It was pretty satisfying to watch him die though…
THERE WAS A FUNERAL THANK JESUS. If you own the BOTFA chronicles book you have already seen what it looks like. It was really beautiful, I would have loved to see a longer scene though. I actually cried during this scene. I haven’t really cried during any other part of the Hobbit trilogy. You don’t get to see Bard place the Arkenstone on Thorin, it’s already on his chest at the beginning of the scene. In fact, I don’t remember seeing Bard at the funeral? Gandalf and Beorn were shown though. Thorin, Fili and Kili are laid out and you get to see the Company walk around them. Balin openly weeped which made me cry and Bilbo cried which made me cry more. I think it was Balin (?) who says something like “ALL HAIL THE KING!” Dain is also shown in kingly armor.
There isn’t any scene showing Bard being crowned King of Dale which makes me sad and no closure for Thranduil and the necklace, poor guy.
Okay, I think that’s everything? If I remember more I’ll update this post.
DID YOU WATCH THE EE? WHAT DID YOU THINK? WHAT DID YOU LOVE, WHAT DID YOU HATE?
I tried to get everything out quickly and I didn’t read this over so if there are mistakes, just ignore them, ha.